[nh] #9 — how to set BOUNDARIES

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category

author

turndog

this edition of the [no hustle] huddle went out on Monday 14th August 2023

Ever heard that old adage where if you give someone and inch they take a yard?

People make out like that’s only served for selfish individuals who take, take, take. Yet I see it as a natural human trait that just about everyone falls under.

And it is not like it’s our fault. It simply comes down to us getting caught up in our own heads … our own drama… our reality. We only get to ever live in our own heads, and although we can emphasize and sympathize with others, we never get to see what they see; feel what they feel 👐

We only get to access our own in that regard.

So, when someone gives us an inch, we’re inclined to take more. Now, some take far greater than a yard. Others take less. Yet we all tend to take more than we should, which is why the topic of BOUNDARIES is such an important one.

And in this busy and chaotic world, it’s only becoming more essential.

That’s a problem. Because most of us (and I certainly struggle with this) don’t do a good job of Setting Boundaries — let alone keeping them intact. Not just the boundaries we set for others, but the inward boundaries that ensure we remain committed to our values, principles, and the qualities that make us who we are.

We don’t mean to. We try to set them and stick to them. Yet there’s so much pressure and expectation, let alone all the busyness. Bit by bit, we lose sight, leading us to drip by drip dilute ourselves and slip further into The Hustle 😔

If you can relate to this, I encourage you to keep reading because not only will the content below help, but at the end of the email there’s a little exercise you can do to reclaim time, freedom, and control over YOUR boundaries.

from the [no hustle] community

Say Goodbye to Stress: Discover the Art of Setting Boundaries – Here’s the video that inspired today’s huddle, a topic I’ve explored a lot of late because it’s a constant obstacle I find myself having to navigate … my hope is my own stories help inspire you to overcome your own.

How to Slow Down in a Hustling World – If you want to Set Clear, Strong Boundaries, you need to give yourself the time and space to understand them … the issue is, you live in a fast-paced world that doesn’t promote this, so here are 7 tips to help slow down so you can the clarity you need.

3 actions to take this week

🔖 bookmark this → this simple yet thought-provoking article from Leo Babauta shares six simple (in theory) mindset shifts that can lay the foundations for you to set the boundaries you need to — my personal fave is #4 … I’d love to hear yours.

🎧 listen to this → this conversation between Ali Abdaal and Hector Hughes is worth a listen as it explores burnout and how it’s not nearly as black or white as many make out — this is one of the leading issues that lead us to allow others to overstep our boundaries (whether they mean to or not).

💪 DO THISWrite Your Top 3 Priorities — I know you have a lot going on in your life, and getting clear on three priorities isn’t easy. But that’s the point. As Bilbo did, you’re likely spreading yourself too thin, like too little butter on toast.

Getting clear on your TOP priorities helps you realize just how many things you’re saying yes to that you absolutely should say NO to!

this week’s featured book

A Brief History of Everything by Ken Wilbur — one of the best books I’ve listened to in recent years is this one … a peek into philosophy that effortlessly blends together with psychology, physiology, and several other sciences.

Ken Wilber’s mind is a gift, and it is one that’s had a huge impact on my own. When it comes to BOUNDARIES, tactics and tips only go so far. The real magic comes when the deep-rooted stuff’s looked at. This is the book for that. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have — I’d love to hear your thoughts 🙏

🎙️ pass the mic

Speaking of wonderful minds… Sol Orwell (the co-founder of Examine) is someone who springs to mind when I think of Boundaries. Sol is someone who works hard. He appreciates the effort life requires and isn’t someone who acts like he ever has it “figured out” … like all of us, he’s learning all the time.

It’s this humility that shines through when you follow him online because he offers advice by never offering advice … he simply shares what’s on his mind. I’ve taken a lot from him, but the biggest lesson I have is to back yourself; to BE.

To set boundaries—for others and yourself—you need to do this because otherwise saying no or rejecting an opportunity/person/whatever stirs all kinds of fears. And when fears like this arise, you take the easiest path, which usually involves you sacrificing your own boundaries so you can better serve others.

Sol is a good guy. A kind guy. Generous. Yet also clear on what he is, who he is, and how he is able to BE

🎤 drop the mic

Before we bring this edition of the huddle to a close, I want to be clear about something … I am not good at setting or sticking to boundaries.

And if I had to choose one area of personal growth to improve upon, it’s this.

Not just the boundaries I set for others, but those I set for myself 🙌

Because if you understand your boundaries … and set them … and commit to them and ensure they remain intact … you give yourself permission to be who you are.

There’s no greater gift 🎁

But how? How can you set boundaries like these?

It begins with YOU, my friend…

This is what I’ve learned (and am learning). Too often, we put our boundaries on someone else. We get frustrated when they overstep the mark, be it a friend, partner, or client… it feels like they don’t care about us; they don’t think of us.

Yet do they know what your boundaries are? Have you communicated them?

And even if you have, do you continue to commit to them 🤔

Remember, we are all human and we’re all stuck in our own heads. Just as others encroach on your boundaries, you do the same to theirs; you too take a yard when someone offers an inch. And I cannot imagine it’s because you mean to.

You simply forget, are unaware, or are caught up in your own self.

The same is true for them.

So Setting Strong Boundaries comes down to YOU understanding them. Once you do, you can communicate them. After that, remain committed to them. All three steps must happen, and what they all have in common is that they are on YOU.

So before you move on with your day, spend a few minutes reflecting on this 🖊️

And get clear on your Top Priorities — it’s here where your boundaries lie.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this edition of the huddle. If you have, please leave a review below and forward it to a friend that needs to rediscover their boundaries.

And reply… share your thoughts… tell me about your relationship with boundaries and if you’ve found anything that helps you set and protect them.

Until next time, my friend … thanks for being you.

 

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