I opened my eyes, felt it in an instant … What have I done? 

WHY HAVE I DONE THIS?

It’s May 2012, and after weeks of planning and spending my final day in the office, I wake up a free man … my own boss … my business… my vision.

It’s all on me; all the responsibility. 

Yet in that moment, all the excitement of possibility vanishes … 

I feel nothing but dread.

What have I done? Why have I done this?

I eventually got up on that unforgettable day. It took me a couple of hours. I just sat there, trying to calm my mind. 

I had the site and the business card and all the other *stuff* you supposedly need.

But a plan … a real plan … to get clients and make money? Not really.

I didn’t get much done that day, but I did get out of bed and I did manage to send a few emails to people I knew who had “made the leap”.

HELP … was basically what I asked them.

But I masked it in the form of a somewhat rational email that invited them for coffee. That’s how I spent the first few days working for myself; having coffee and asking them about their experiences… if they too felt overwhelmed and scared. 

Reassuring me, they nodded. That was the good news.

The bad news was that they kept telling me about FAILURE.

Times they failed. That if they could go back, they would do it differently.

It didn’t exactly calm my worries, but these warnings did spark a curiosity…

FAILURE … IS IT THAT BAD? IS IT SOMETHING WE CAN AVOID?

I sensed not, and so there and then I made a rather rash decision → committing to write a book … The Successful Mistake.

Over the next few years, I interviewed more than 150 entrepreneurs and authors and those who had also “made the leap” … picking their brains and asking them about a BIG mistake they made and how they turned it around and built success.

It’s hard to put the journey into words, other than to say it was remarkable, inspirational, and without doubt the best rash decision I ever made.

the 7 stages of failure

There are seven stages in The Successful Mistake.

That’s what we cover in the video below, and the other two in the series (don’t worry, there’s a link to everything at the end of this article).

But before we get to the individual stages of failure, I’d like to share something personal because this book wasn’t about anyone else … it was about me; for me.

I’m a selfish writer like that, crafting books I need to write.

More so, books that require me to take a journey I NEED to take.

Because I didn’t want to be afraid of failing. 

• of making mistakes… 
• of stumbling and falling… 

I don’t want that for you, either, because this world and life are difficult enough without fearing each potential mishap.

I’m a mistake-making machine, and so are you.

There will never be a time I’m not. This is okay.

In fact, what I’ve learned is that it is THIS that makes us human

stage one: SHOCK

Once you are both aware of these seven stages of failure and learn how to embrace them, you have what you need to overcome any obstacle.

in work … at home … in your “self”

The first stage is SHOCK … and some of the stories I heard from people I admire and look up to while researching The Successful Mistake were SHOCKING.

From hiring mistakes to growing too fast, making ill-fated (and costly) decisions to toxic communication tales of deceit and narcissism … this is the stage where the “nasty stuff” hits the fan.

Sometimes it’s down to you … an internal something you can control.

Other times it isn’t … an external obstacle you can do nothing about.

Some of the time, the warning signs are there; the mistake or failure creeps up on you over many weeks and months; you sense it’s there, but you turn a blind eye to it because you’re an imperfect bag of meat and that’s what we so often do.

But on other occasions, the SHOCK truly is SHOCKING … it comes from nowhere and slaps you across the face. You didn’t see it coming; no avoiding it.

I won’t rehash what’s in the book … that is not the point of these articles/videos.

The point here is to shine a light on the seven stages of failure because these are things we don’t spend enough time focussing on — and that’s a problem because a mistake is only ever one decision away and failure can strike in numerous ways on any of the days you spend on this planet.

Whatever the situation and circumstance, and be it in your control or not, when it hits you, it HITS you.

There’s no comfort in hindsight. There is no solace in the fact that this failure will give you strength sometime in the future. When you’re in IT, you are in it and it sucks. I listened to dozens of people re-live such periods, telling me about what happened and how it felt.

They were on the other side … in most cases, far removed and way down the line.

Yet it still hurt; still lingered; still embarrassing … a sour-tasting memory.

Personally, I found all this reassuring because it connected me with these individuals who I looked up to and admired; successful and wealthy…

… embodied so much of who I wanted to be.

Like me, human.

When failure strikes, it’s natural, and, indeed, important to FEEL that

stage two: PAIN

Welcome to the second stage … PAIN.

It can come in several forms.

• Financial
• Emotional
• Physical
• Personal

Sometimes you’ll feel just one; other times two, three, or more. Life isn’t simple. It doesn’t come wrapped up with a bow on top. It’s nuanced, involves lots of other people going through their own “stuff”, and no two situations are ever the same.

Yet a constant through it all is that we FEEL.

Sometimes good feelings, thankfully.

Yet pain, in some form, is often part of the process.

Especially when it comes to mistakes and failure.

While researching for and writing The Successful Mistake, I didn’t know how to express or process my feelings — as such, pain was something I struggled with.

I’d either suppress it or feel ALL of it!

I’ve done a lot of work since, but it remains a process; a struggle. Yet I’m not alone because I’ve learned most of us find the whole notion of pain hard. It’s not nice, be it something that impacts your finances and keeps you up at night worrying to pay the bills and give your family the life you think they deserve.

or if you’re ill, in mind or body, the whole process literally draining you.

At work, it sucks … at home, it sucks … while you’re in your head, it sucks!

Pain is painful. Yet pain is a part of the process and it helps us grow and evolve a little ways down the road. But that’s hardly a consolation when you feel it.

What matters here, and what I’ve learned in the years since writing The Successful Mistake, is to take ownership of your relationship with “feelings”.

You don’t get to control them. When they stir, they do so for a reason.

Good or bad.

Yet what happens next … how you act, process, express, lead … that is something you get to control, and although it’s rarely easy—especially when pain is present—this is one of those aspects of life you can take ownership of.

Because pain teaches us a lot…  BUT only if we are present with it.

If we’re not, we just feel it and it adds scars to our already scarred body and mind.

Whereas if we are present and learn how to process and express our pain and feelings in general, it makes progressing through these seven stages much easier.

stages three and beyond…

That journey continues in the second installment of this series.

If you’re reading this in the future, you can read it now (and watch the accompanying video) by clicking the big button below.

(if it isn’t live yet, sign up to the huddle and we’ll notify you as soon as it is)

But before you move on, take a moment to appreciate that 1) failure is part of your journey, and 2) it teaches you so much.

The shock and pain are part of that, I’m afraid … yet the steps ahead are brighter, so drive deeper now and continue with the second installment ??

hi, i’m turndog and I wrote this article … i am a writer, ghostwriter, anti-hustler & a guy on a mission to ensure you too escape the hustle — come be part of the [no hustle] movement

hi, i’m turndog and I wrote this article … i am a writer, ghostwriter, anti-hustler & a guy on a mission to ensure you too escape the hustle — come be part of the [no hustle] movement