Why am I tired but cant sleep? It’s one of those modern-day questions that seems to haunt most households across the land.

Sometimes you have an obvious answer.

I have, of late … my (nearly) six-year-old daughter going through one of those “phases”; she was sleeping, and then, all of a sudden, not.

So right now I have an answer. I would sleep, but I cannot because my daughter won’t allow me to. Simple. Easy. Right?

No!

I explain why in this video… so watch if you desire to go deeper.

I could blame my daughter. It would be easy to put it all on her. And do not get me wrong, she is playing her role right now. But to place it all on her and act like sleep otherwise comes easy to me? No, that’s not fair.

It’s picking up a piece of the puzzle and placing greater significance on it.

Yet no single piece is more important than another. 

When you open a box and scatter them on the floor, they’re all the same size and click together to form the whole — they look different, and they each go in a specific position, but no piece is “the” piece.

The same applies when you ask yourself … Why am I tired but cant sleep?

You want an answer. A single piece to point your finger at. Something you can fix.

Yet it goes deeper than that. Much, much deeper.

“why am I tired but cant sleep” is NOT the question you should be asking

As I mentioned in this video, it isn’t a case of if my daughter can sleep. I know she can. A few weeks ago, she slept through the night with no problem.

She can sleep. The issue is, she isn’t… and there’s no clear understanding of why.

Something has happened. A bad dream, maybe, or a worry in her mind that planted a seed and has since grown. Maybe transitioning into a new class at school. Maybe a new chapter of her life as she leaves being a “little kid” behind and steps into the life of a “big kid”.

It’s hard to know what the reason is.

She likely doesn’t know, and because I’m unable to step into her mind and live life in her shoes, all I can do is speculate.

Yet is this any different from what we as adults experience?

Sure, we are older and (usually) better at identifying and understanding our feelings. But only to an extent. There’s a whole host of thoughts, worries, and anxieties swirling around inside you; during every minute of every day.

You’re aware of some of it. Sometimes the issue is clear. There’s a piece you can point to and say “That’s the reason! Once I fix that, everything will be fine.”

But that is not true.

There’s more going on. There is always more going on!

Subtle and subconscious worries you’re unaware of. Seeds planted weeks ago (maybe years in the past) that have bit by bit grown and placed down roots.

This is why it’s pointless to ask a broad question like why am I tired but cant sleep?

At best, it pushes you to search for and find surface-level stuff you can see and appreciate. Yet surface-level stuff keeps you on the surface, whereas the place you need to venture down lies deep, deep underground

what we all have in common…

It’s two in the morning, I’m up once more settling my daughter and sitting by her bed. She awoke, for some reason, came into my room and now I’m awake too.

She lays there, all peaceful and feeling safe. I’m there, my hand on her hair.

Drifting off already, she’ll soon be back with her dreams. For how long, I do not know. I hope that is it. I hope she’s now down until morning. I need her to. I’m so tired, not just from the last few weeks of this, but a decade of fatherhood.

I need sleep. I need rest. I fear I’ll be grumpy in the morning…

• Not a good dad
• Not a good partner
• Not able to do my work
• Not able to provide
• Not able to grow as a person

A few minutes ago, I was asleep.

A minute ago, I was awake but barely.

Now, my eyes are wide; my mind spirals.

Then it halts. A realization springs forward. I have no idea where it’s come from. Just there, in the middle of the night, a thought comes to mind; an important one.

Me, my daughter, we’re not all that different.

Some kind of worry is why she keeps stirring. Anxiety has put its roots down and spread in recent weeks. The result, her waking in the middle of the night—a natural part of the sleeping process that happens multiple times—and forcing her to get up because she’s worried (for some reason) about getting back to sleep.

or maybe out of fear, she won’t be able to.

Am I any different, despite being older?

Does my anxiety and worry not spread like this?

Do seeds not get planted and grow for no reason other than they do?

Not the obvious ones I can point my finger toward, but those subtle somethings that linger in the background and creep up on you…

Me, my daughter, we’re not all that different. Different in age, but not in mind. Still human. Still fragile. Still overwhelmed and doing our best to navigate this world.

The same in so many ways … just as you and me are; as we all are.

how to sleep well

Maybe you too have uttered the words … why am I tired but cant sleep?

(or some variation of it)

Multiple times of late, I’ve lay in bed exhausted but unable to drift off. In recent weeks, I’ve blamed it on my daughter. But that isn’t fair. Yes, she has played a role, but her piece is no more significant than any other.

Even when she does sleep, there are times I cannot.

Cannot settle. Cannot drift off. Cannot get a good night’s sleep, waking up in the morning feeling groggy and dazed. I look at my Oura score, it surprisingly low.

why? why am I tired but cant sleep? why is sleep such a struggle, always?

It’s not just me. Not just my daughter. It is most of us and it comes down (in large part) to this hectic, fast-paced, overwhelming, and overstimulating world we’re a part of. That world out there … it does not sleep; never rests or takes a break.

An unrelenting hum in the background of your mind, planting subtle seeds each day, leading you to worry, fear, compare yourself to others, dream, desire, and always feeding your ego and senses with more-more-more.

So many pieces, far too many to count.

How many are you aware of? What’s on your radar?

I imagine few in the grand scheme of things.

That’s why you struggle with sleep. It’s why I do, my daughter does, and the world at large in this modern cacophony of connected carnage. It brings much joy, don’t get me wrong, and the opportunities it offers are incredible.

But it comes at a price, and our ability to rest and sleep is a major currency.

The only way to get on top of it — not escape it because that’s not practical — is to stop pointing at individual pieces and assuming once you fix IT all will be well.

At some stage, my daughter will begin sleeping through again.

Once she does, it will make my life easier; my ability to sleep easier with it.

BUT it will not fix all my issues and my sleep will remain a work in progress because she isn’t the problem. She is just a part of the problem. And if we’re ever to overcome such problems, we need to stop trying to solve them with broad questions and instead commit to finding the right ones … the questions we need to ask; the questions that lead to the answers we crave.

Once we do, sleep and so much more returns.

hi, i’m turndog and I wrote this article … i am a writer, ghostwriter, anti-hustler & a guy on a mission to ensure you too escape the hustle — come be part of the [no hustle] movement

hi, i’m turndog and I wrote this article … i am a writer, ghostwriter, anti-hustler & a guy on a mission to ensure you too escape the hustle — come be part of the [no hustle] movement